Sometimes it feels like I do nothing all day. I love doing nothing, but the fake kind of nothing. Nothing Sundays, where you survive all day alternating between coffee and frozen pizza. Where picking up the remote to start Netflix seems like a momentous show of force. But now you’re just watching the first fifteen minutes of each episode of Breaking Bad until you “find the one you like.” Those are the days that make me excited to get up the next morning and actually do something. If I had a real job, maybe I’d even be excited to get up and go to it.
But the kind of Summer nothing that I experience is a lack of accomplishment. Like I’ve woken up, took a couple of breaths and then I’m in bed asleep again. It’s not really the case, but I look at all the stuff that’s out there already, and all the shit that I want to create and feel constantly late to the game. That because I’ve been treating writing like a full profession for the past two years, that I should already have a novel and movie deal under my belt. Right now, I have all this time and instead of pumping out an Eisner winning comic, I’m writing a blog post about nothing on a website with nothing on it. Its so hard to remember just to write the next story I have, instead of trying to write the best story ever written.
The summer makes it worse, the insanity of going outdoors makes me into this borderline nuts-o hermit. There’s this fiery moat surrounding my house, while anyone I know that lives out of town is posting pictures on Facebook of themselves on vacation at a lake, or on top of a mountain. The Summer forces me to this cliff of insanity and I’m creating all this content that builds up and builds up in my head. But I don’t sit my ass in front of the computer and type it out. Stacked across every table in my house is a notebook. Each one scratched and scribbled throughout like Ray Finkle’s diary.
Then I start to think that all this nothing should add up to something. But I have no accountability to type it. There’s no teacher cracking the whip for a story, no boss hovering over me, and no responsibility. That’s the thing I need to figure out: how to keep my ass planted firmly in this chair and typing, instead of banging my head against the wall and cursing myself for not writing more.
The 100 day project has rekindled my love for drawing. I didn’t think that a hashtag project like that would keep me accountable, but it did. So, I’m hoping that a new blog will keep me accountable with writing. If I can post on here a few times a week, I’m thinking every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and just talk about what project I am currently working on, I hope to keep myself more focused.